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In the last few years I’ve been doing some major self-improvement. I’ve become a serious health nut, learning about things like super-foods, antioxidants, grass-fed vs. grain fed, Vitamin D, prebiotics, probiotics, kale, alkaline vs. acidic. In addition, I’ve become a master work-outer. I spin, yoga, circuit train, weight-train, take Kinesis, bike ride, roller-blade. I even have a package of pole-dancing classes I’ve bought online (yet to use and yes terrified).  I’ve also embraced improving my mental health by seeing a Jungian therapist (yes addressing my daddy issues), learning to mediate, taking Buddhism classes, joining a women’s group and last but not least hypnotherapy. Finally, I’ve addressed my most challenging subject: sexuality.

My dating/relationship history has always been as follows: meet boy, find boy cute, boy finds me cute, boy pursues, boy becomes boyfriend, then sleep with boy (who’s crazy in love with me because am good girl and didn’t hop in to bed with him until felt totally comfortable on all levels, translation: was myself). I recently learned, the hard way that is, that the way I approach sex in a new dating relationship is something my soul (aka the core of how I feel) is not willing to change.

I had developed a very strong physical attraction to a guy I would see regularly (in a public place). After several months of flirting, he asked me out. On our date, I had a great time, the physical chemistry grew even stronger (and went went dancing my favorite past-time and I must admit am sexy on the dance floor), however, I found it challenging to communicate with him (even on simple things). Nothing physical happened (minus some kissing) on our first date and we continued to flirt and kinda “hang-out” together. It was not a traditional boy pursue girl situation. Because I was determined to use a new approach to dating this person, I rushed the physical (backed off on the mental/emotional) and ruined the whole thing. Okay, maybe it wasn’t all my fault, however, I believe that had I been less obsessed with changing who I am and more comfortable with who I am inside, the scenario would have been different.

I guess here is the best part, I learned a very important lesson from this experience: when it comes to dating and sexuality “just be your damn self!” I say, no improvement necessary. If you’re slow to move when it comes to physical intimacy, then listen to your instincts. Don’t compare yourself to the rest of the world (even if your hormones are raging and everybody else is doing it), because being authentic is what guys (and you) like in the first place.  Now I just wish I could stop feeling bad about it already (don’t worry have therapy appointment next Wed @1pm).

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