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Years ago, I was dating this women for 4 months. Then, in the middle of our Sunday walk to the farmer’s market, I realized, I barely know this woman!   I mean, I knew she was from New Hampshire.  She liked carrot cupcakes. Clowns scared her. But I didn’t know what most inspired her, what life moments most impacted her, how she saw the world from her unique eyes. Or what she even wanted in a relationship.

Sure, laughing and kissing and dancing and dining were all a part of our dating experience.  But I wanted more.

But without any conversations about feelings or what’s going for each of us in relationship with each other, then we were just a) activity buddies who b) have sex.

The problem that happens is that people decide to be exclusive after some arbitrary time period, but they haven’t taken the time to really GET TO KNOW their partner. I’m not saying you need to use the first date to dive right into all your skeletons, vulnerabilities, and kinky fetishes.

But it doesn’t hurt to start fostering connections and sparking conversations about the things that are important to you.

• Take time to really be present with your partner.
• Listen and speak using your whole body.
• Take full breaths.
• Tune in to how your body feels around him or her.
• Blurt out more what you’re thinking and feeling.  Positive or negative. Don’t presume they can read your mind.
• Get curious about who they are, how their world operates.  Not just the what, but the how.

Ultimately, it’s about getting in touch with what you want and who you are. And the clearer you can express that with the person you’re dating, the quicker you’ll actually GET what you want.  If both of you are afraid of exposing yourself (emotionally, not the trench coat kind), then you’ll just be two caricatures dating, not two real people.

So go ahead and go deep. Just come up for air, too. All deep all the time can get heavy.

Image: Victor Habbick / FreeDigitalPhotos.net