I’m not like instant soup. You can’t open the package, add water and heat for 1 minute and then turn me into an instant girlfriend. That’s exactly how I felt on the last date I went on.
I spoke to this guy on the phone for about an hour. It was a fun conversation and we seemed to click. We decided to meet up at Casa Del Mar early evening for cocktails. I should of had some clue when I was speaking to him on the phone because the amount of questions he asked me was way beyond the norm. Within an hour he knew more about me than any guy does after five dates. I even pointed it out to him that he sure asked alot of questions.
So I met up with him. Good looking guy. Handsome smile. He immediately picked up where we left off, beginning with the questions…
What kind of vacations do you like?
When was your last relationship?
What happened?
How are your eating habits?
Do you like to ski?
How are you with kids?
Do you want kids?……
……and on and on and on. Really does this guy have a check list in his pocket?! After an hour, I was starting to get very tired…have you ever been with someone who just seemed to suck your energy? This was him!
He asked me “Would you have time for a boyfriend in your life? I like to spend alot of time with my girlfriend.” RED FLAG, I thought.
He never mentioned a peep about friends. So when I asked him what things does he like to do with friends, he avoided answering and if I recall came back to me with another question! RED FLAG.
He said “It seems you really like your single lifestyle.” I replied, “Yes, I do. But if the right person came into my life I would make time for him.” Wow I thought, this is crazy. We just met and he’s mentioning the word ‘girlfriend’. HUGE RED FLAG.
At this point, I sort of snapped. I rose to the edge of my chair and said, “This sure feels like an interview“. He said, “Oh, no. I’m not meaning that, but how else do you get to know someone without asking questions“.
My response, “Yes, I agree you need to ask questions, but usually the conversation than moves on organically.” He actually thanked me for being honest and said he has never heard this from a date before… (or should I say “meeting“). Yeah, because most women are going to think it, but not say it! So if anything I think I helped him out.
As I was biking home, I remember being outraged at the experience I just had. If anyone was passing me by they would of thought, who is the crazy lady talking to herself! I was screaming, “That guy needs to get a clue. What he really needs is to be single for a year without hoping from one girlfriend to the next. A girlfriend is not going to make him whole. He needs to be that way all on his own!” So after I screamed a bit, I then started laughing, thinking “Wow, I have come along way. Being so proud of myself, that I have built a life being single and being HAPPY. And to really enjoy what the present moment has to offer without getting all crazy trying to plan the future. I am in no hurry to make a guy into my instant boyfriend and that feels good.
So even though I spent two hours of my precious time with a complete nut, it was beneficial. : )
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While I agree asking a lot of questions may seem overwhelming especially for a first meeting, but maybe you can look at it this way. He asked you those questions to determine if you both were compatible. I remember one evening I was at a bar and a pretty lady looked at me, so after about 30 minutes I made my way over to say hello. I asked her her age she said 29 (now I was 45 at the time and I have 2 boys and do not want any more children), so my next question was do you want kids. She said yes and I said thank you and said good evening. My thought process was, why engage in a conversation with someone who I would not be compatible with. So maybe he did the same…. just a thought.
Questions and conversation to get to know someone – Yes. An intense interview filled with questions – NO. Though Jonathan has a point, there are a lot of reasons to meet and speak with someone. It may not be what you originally intended, but there usually is good reason (even if it is to give you good content for your blog!
). I say be open to the opportunities.
Try to think like a guy for a minute; to the point, direct, and laser like focus… This guy was looking for a girlfriend. You should have started by mentioning on the phone before the date that you are not looking for a committed relationship/being someone girlfriend. Questions are great! It feels like it was okay for you to ask questions, but when it came time for him to ask questions, it was just too much…, unbearable?
))) Gees… may be you should write about the number of questions we should ask on the first meeting and second… and so on.LOL
With Love R.G.
No..seriously. If you were there…you would of thought he was a nut case. So how about this, next time I see you I’ll take you through the little scenerio and see how you like it!
And you’re wrong…i actually wouldn’t mind being someones girlfriend only if it “organically” happened that way and not forced by date one.
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