I don’t think most women think in the terms of "Right Now Guy" vs. "Forever Guy". Because typically women are always looking for the Forever Guy. Some would say its important to not to continue to be with a man you know is not your Forever Guy because he may get in the way of the Forever Guy to come into your life. This is something I always believed to be true and even have given this advice to friends at times. But I wonder if there is a different way of looking at it.
The last two men I have dated (beyond three dates) I have had extreme physical chemistry with but my instincts were telling me that it just wasn’t completely right. With one of the guys we had so much fun and really enjoyed our time together but usually more in private than out in public. It seemed to be always awkward around my friends. After some time, I realized we were not in the same place of how we felt about each other. I knew I wasn’t going to fall in love with him, but I felt he was having stronger feelings for me. So I eventually let him go (even though it was painful) so he would be free to find his ultimate mate.
The next guy is a little different in so many ways. Complete open communication of where we both are when it comes to relationships. No games. No expectations. Quite refreshing actually. I knew from day one where he was in his life and completely respect it. He is not looking for marriage or even to be in a committed relationship. He is the ultimate "live in the moment" guy. Which helps me to be the same. I am not necessarily looking for marriage either, but would like to have a deep relationship when the right person presents himself.
I have this belief that when we get in a panic of trying to find the ONE, our judgements can sometimes be clouded and we refuse to listen to our instincts. A lesson I learned many years ago. I would much rather be happy and single than in a bad relationship and miserable, so I am much better at listening to my instincts these days.
In the beginning with this guy, I still struggled wondering if I should even bother getting to know him, knowing where he was in life. But I have to tell ya, the energy between us is off-the-charts which makes it confusing of what to do. It was actually my sister that had brought up the concept to me. "Does he have to be "Forever Guy", why can’t he just be "Right-Now Guy". You have to just love a sister who isn’t a family member trying to push you to get married. Instead is supportive of living your life and seeing where it takes you. Kisses to my sister!
But, I believe this scenario can only work if I continue to date other men. If "Right Now Guy" is the only man in my life, things may start to get cloudy with the temptation to make Right Now Guy into Mr. Right. But I also know that each person that comes into my life serves me for some reason. I can actually look back at all of my relationships, short and long and see the reason of why they were in my life. Each person I date prepares me for the next person since I learn something about myself and grow with each relationship. So when Forever Guy presents himself I will know and I will be ready.
You may be thinking, why does he have to be Right Now Guy? Two reasons. A few things I mentioned in my earlier blog "The Love List".
1. It will be right when both people are ready at the same time.
2. Listen to your instincts and never settle.
In the article, from TrésSugar, "Should I stay with someone I don’t love" speaks on this subject.
I would agree with her advice that "If you really are looking for your true love, then staying in a relationship with a man you’re confident you will never be in love with doesn’t make much sense to me." But the difference in this scenario is the woman is choosing to not date others. I believe that is the key. And a few comments actually mention that idea.
But she takes it a step further which is refreshing, "When we meet new people, it’s normal to put them into a certain category — friend, foe, acquaintance, romantic interest, etc. — and once they’re there, it’s hard to move them around. But just as sometimes a friend turns out to be something more, a love interest can be a better buddy than significant other."
Again, you see, you never really know why someone is in your life, but there is always a reason. Be open.