On Oprah this week was guest, Steve Harvey, comedian, love expert and best selling author of “Act like a Lady, think like a Man“. 300 women were on the show as well as guests via Skype from different parts of the country. The conversation was pretty raw, with women asking very embarrassing questions to Steve providing comments that ruffled many feathers. I wrote down a few of the topics that were discussed in the show and provided my reactions to the topics.
The show started out with Steve reading off a “list” from one of the audience members. The list were all the attributes she wanted in a man. Steve’s expression was priceless, dumbfounded is more like it. He asks: “Are you willing to be the same thing for a man that you want him to be for you?”
This was a very interesting comment to me. I myself do have high standards for the right man in my life, but in some ways I feel I have made poor decisions in my past because my standards or self-worth were not high enough. And yes, I do believe I have a lot to offer a man. I may not meet every mans criteria, but I would much rather be single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy any day. I never assume that just because people are in a relationship, means they are happy behind closed doors.
Steve proceeds to say that he believes realistic lists are ok, since they do set a standard. That the man for you, does exist. He’s walking around right this minute. He just hasn’t met you yet.
Steve spoke about how every man has the 3 “P’s”.
We profess, we provide, we protect.
He said a man needs to see where he fits in the providing and protecting arena. If you are successful, he doesn’t know how to fit into your life. If you project, “I don’t need a man..I can do everything myself, then there is no room for a man.”
I think the hard think about being a successful, independent woman is to know how to let down my guard and let someone else take care of me. I know and understand that a man needs to feel needed, that he must have the opportunity to be able to provide and protect. Its almost like I have to retrain myself to rely on someone else when I am in a relationship, but when I am not, again its just me, so I have to figure it out. Thats really hard to have to go back and forth!
Steve also walked the audience through the 5 questions every women should ask a man before they get in too deep. These five questions are also outlined on Oprah’s website >
To make your intentions—and his—clear, Steve says it’s never too early to strike up these conversations. “You start these questions the first day you meet,” he says. “I don’t care if it’s at the club, at church, whatever.”
Don’t worry…Steve says if a man really wants you, these questions won’t scare him off.
1. What are your short-term goals?
Steve says this is a question you need to ask on the first date. “That’s important. You want to know what a guy’s working on,” he says. “You listen very intently. You use your investigative skills. You be smart.
2. What are your long-term goals?
Every man needs to have a plan, Steve says. “They have to be different from the short-term goals,” he says. “If they’re not different, you have a guy that’s not really planning.”
Once you’re armed with this information, Steve says you can decide whether you want to attach yourself to his plan and take the relationship to the next level.
3. What are your views on relationships?
Family, friends, God…find out if these bonds are strong. Steve says a man’s relationship with his mother is the most critical. “If it’s nonexistent, that’s a red flag. If that bond has been tainted or broken, please know he has no problem tainting or breaking yours,” he says. “If you can’t love your mother, please know he is incapable of loving you.”
If you’re spiritual—and he’s not—Steve says you probably won’t be able to change him. “Your cookie is not that good to make him go to church. He’s had cookie before,” he says. “He still ain’t with the church.”
(btw. “cookie is what Steve refers to as “sex”. He says, everyone likes cookies!)
4. What do you think about me?
Steve says women should listen carefully to how a man answers this question. It may reveal a lot about the impression you’re making.
“He’ll gladly tell you this. ‘I think that you’re great. I think you would make a great mother. I think you would be a terrific homemaker. I think you’re very independent. I think you’re very worthy,’” Steve says. “He’s going to tell you all of this stuff.”
5. What do you feel about me?
Once you have the answer to the fourth question, immediately ask the last one on Steve’s list. In most cases, how a man feels about you will be very different from what he thinks of you.
“A man that has been thinking about you seriously has an answer for that,” Steve says. “[He might say:] ‘How do I feel about you? I feel like when I’m not with you, I ain’t going to make it. I feel like you’re the one for me. I feel like finally I’ve met somebody who I can share my hopes and dreams with.’ … You may even find these words: ‘You know what? I’m in love with you.’ Which is what you’re all looking for.”