Seems only natural to move from a blog on marriage to one about children; although for some people, in doesn’t happen in that order. I recently found out an ex-boyfriend is expecting a child. It was quite a surprise for him. The result of a one night stand with an old girlfriend and five months after conceiving, she tells him he’s going to have a child.
She’s a single woman whose biological clock is ticking and decides to take the opportunity with him.
He’s not the victim and takes responsibility. But, he asked if it was okay and she said yes. So she lied. Her reason, having a family is important to her. She needs to have a family to feel her life is successful.
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.
She wants to have a child with a man she knows. She is not asking him to take any financial responsibility for raising the child. She has a good job and is going to hire help to take care of the baby while she works. She has a plan.
Many women can not find a suitable life partner and realize they don’t have much time left to start a family so they decide to become Single Mothers by Choice (SMC). I imagine it’s not an easy decision, but one more common these days than in 1979 when the author of SMC, Jane Mattes, decided to become a single mom. She was looking into adoption when she became accidentally pregnant by a lover she had known for years. (Her lover had always been candid that he did not want marriage or a family so she was not surprised when he wanted no parental involvement.)
I was interested in the subject myself and bought Jane’s book last year.
There has been a dramatic increase in the number of mature, single women, particularly single white women, becoming mothers. The US Census Bureau reported that nearly a quarter of the nation’s never-married women now become mothers, an increase of 60 percent in the last decade. The increase was particularily sharp among educated and professional women: among white women and women who attended college the percentage more than doubled, and for women with professional or managerial jobs it nearly tripled.
I was quickly engrossed in a book that touched on not only the mother’s emotional, financial and physical well-being in making this decision, but that of the child’s including the daddy questions when the child is older. The book also covers the legal rights of the child, child development issues, moral aspects, and social life of the single mom. In addition to answering the tough questions, there are personal accounts from single women on their decision to have a child. This is a great resource for anyone considering motherhood.
There are a couple paths a single woman can take in choosing to have a child:
1) Conception by Donor Insemination
2) Insemination with Sperm from an Unknow Donor
3) Insemination with Sperm from a Known Donor
4) Conception with a Sex Partner
5) Accidental Conception
6) Agency or Independent Adoption
7) Open or Closed Adoption
8) Adopt a Newborn, Toddler or Older Child
9) US or Foreign Adoption
Whichever path a single woman chooses, it’s an unconventional path to motherhood that comes with alot of questions. It takes a certain personality to deal with the stresses of single motherhood.
Take the path of least resistance.
If you’re a single woman and contemplating getting pregnant by an unsuspecting partner, consider the guy’s life. Yes, you are not asking him to take a parental role, but bringing another human being into this world is affecting his life. He’s a responsible guy. He has no idea what role he will or can play. He’s lost in a sea of emotions from betrayal to anticipation.
If you really do not want/need this guy in your life and/or helping to raise your child, consider adoption or donor insemination. It’s the path of least resistance and not a babe trap.
Would love to hear from some guys on this one.