When I’m alone, I’m present in my mind, body and environment. I’m aware of sounds, smells and move through my day with focus and intention. When I’m with another person. I’m focused on our interaction. I lose sense of time and even space. It’s like driving a car with a passenger versus driving alone.
Do you know what I mean? It’s like you are there, but you are really not there, you are somewhere else.
I’m feeling really divided between there and somewhere else, like I’m two people trying to co-exist in one life.
There is good reason. First, I’m running two businesses. In addition to SingleTease, I’m a graphic designer with clients in the corporate and non-profit sectors. The two businesses are somewhat related which helps and I am self-employed so the tug of war affects mainly my schedule. But, there is just not enough time in the day to do both well.
The second reason I’m feeling divided is that I’m in a relationship. I think I’ve been driving alone a little too long. I’ve been single my adult life. I’ve had a couple serious relationships, but I haven’t lived with a man or experienced the intensity of spending alot of time with one person in awhile. (My friends said there was a reason I dated a man who lived 3,000 miles away.)
I’m torn between feeling exhilarated/exhausted with the challenges of my life and work and enjoying/nurturing the new relationship.
If I think about it, my time is divided now in three ways! Add to the mix my type A personality and I feel like I’m getting no where fast.
Is this a fork in the road? Do I have to choose to turn right or left?
I recently met a woman who was interested in joining a womens entrepreneur/networking group. She was grappling with her career and personal life. One of the organizers told her not to worry, that once she met a man she would put her career on hold. Maybe the organizer thought turning right meant "alone" and turning left meant "relationship."
I don’t believe in limited choices and I’ve never followed convention….
One friend told me I need more "balance" in my life. I really don’t like that word. To me, it means giving up something. A great analogy for me is the tree pose in yoga, take away one leg and balance. I can’t balance on one leg.
Google "balance and personal life" and you’ll find 47,900,000 resources. One resource describes balance as the simple concept of:
Meaningful daily Achievement and Enjoyment in each of my four life quadrants: Work, Family, Friends and Self. Ask yourself now, when was the last time you Achieved AND Enjoyed something at work? What about Achieved AND Enjoyed with your family; your friends? And how recently have you Achieved AND Enjoyed something just for you?
This concept of balance sounds stressful. Not only do I have to spend time in each quadrant, I have to achieve and enjoy myself daily! OMG
I’m single and feeling this way. I can only imagine how women with families feel. Do they ever feel focused, productive or at peace? Are you ever really "there" again or do you permanently change your address to "somewhere else"?