What is a soulmate? I can definitely say it’s a question that leaves perplexed expressions on the faces of my friends. For myself, I think soulmate can be defined in four ways: 1) a vague, misty concept 2) two souls connecting who mate, 3) an adjective created by romance novels and 4) a person that “completes us” like in the movie, Jerry Maguire.
I think the first definition encompasses the other three.
According to ivillage, a “true” soulmate is their divine complement. Divine complements are connected soul-to-soul and have a destiny together. Two complimentary souls who are in sync together can make magic happen. They have found their divine complement, two complimentary souls.
It sounds like a Hallmark card.
I found it’s origin goes much deeper than Harlequin or Hallmark. The concept comes from Greek mythology. According to the story, our ancestors once had 2 heads, 4 arms. They did something to offend a god so that god punished them by splitting them down the middle, resulting in the creation of humans. As a punishment, we are condemned to spend our lives searching for the other half, our soulmates.
That makes so much more sense! You are incomplete until you meet your soulmate (#4).
I asked my girlfriends, “What do you think a soulmate is?”
Recent college graduate:
Silence. Eyes looking around for an answer. “I don’t know. At my age, I don’t think it exists. One day you can love someone and the next day, you hate them, and then you love them again. I have a friend who was dating a guy throughout college and he dumped her saying he had wasted his time, they were not meant for each other. She had a guy who was her best friend, they dated a little, she she thought he could be her soulmate. The friend joined the military and acted all strange, they no longer talk. The guy who dumped her wants her back. ”
Married for 11 years:
“Someone you feel really comfortable with being yourself. I don’t know if I believe in the term, but on the otherhand, if you’re with the right person, you can’t see your life without them. Two against the world, versus one. A ‘we’ and not an ‘I.’”
Like I said, it’s a vague, misty concept. We can all agree that we don’t believe in the term.
Maybe I don’t believe in soulmates because it’s a romantic/spiritual concept and not logical. But wait, there is a logical definition…it’s called “The Love Economics Definition of Soulmates.”
Love Economics is a theory of love and dating. It is based on probabilities calculations, population statistics, and empirical research findings from Psychology, Sociology, Anthropology, and Psychiatry. Love Economics explains social interactions in economic terms, benefits and costs. Based on this theory, the person who gives you the highest benefit per cost ratio on this Earth is your soulmate. The benefit to cost ratio is called your soulmate ratio. Mathematically, the ratio is written as:
Soulmate Ratio = Total Love Benefit / Total Love Cost
Your soulmate is the person who will maximize your soulmate ratio and vice versa. If another person exists that has the ability to give you a higher soulmate ratio than the person you are with, then the person you are with is not your soulmate. No one in this world, including being by yourself, could make you happier than being in love with your soulmate. True love is the love you share with your soulmate.
It’s hard enough finding someone who I can love, respect and admire and vice versa. If they don’t meet my soulmate ratio, I must find someone else who will make me happier because only that relationship will have true love?!
One of my favorite lines comes from the song “Soulmate” by Natasha Bedingfield.
Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told…
Let’s not forget Hollywood. In Sex and the City they explore the word soulmate.
Carrie: “Are soulmates a reality, or a torture device?” “God damn soulmates, I don’t know if I believe in soulmates.”
Big: “I like the word ‘soul.’ I like the word ‘mate’. Other than that, you got me.”
And, then there’s sweet Charlotte…”What if we were each other’s soul mates? Then men could just be these great sweet guys to have fun with.”
I can’t agree more with Charlotte. My best girlfriends have been there for me through thick, thin and all the birthdays where there wasn’t a man in my life who loved me. My soulmates are my three best girlfriends. “Having three soulmates already makes it easier to find those great guys to have fun with.”
Love to L, J and K.
–
“Soulmate” by Natasha Bedingfield
Incompatible, it don’t matter though
‘cos someone’s bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You’re not easy to find
Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you’re in disguise
Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone
Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There’s enough for everyone
But I’m still waiting in line
Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone
If there’s a soulmate for everyone
Most relationships seem so transitory
They’re all good but not the permanent one
Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone
Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone
If there’s a soulmate for everyone
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I couldn’t agree more. A friend told me just the other day, that she knows her girlfriends will last a lifetime, but a man may not. So I do believe true girlfriend relationships are our soul-mates. And I am also very thankful to have mine! xoxox
I’m e-mailing this to all of my girlfriends!
the 4th option is the one that creates the most disastrous results, no one else can complete you nor should. that’s why jerry maguire is my least fav romance movie.
it’s funny because someone who came into my life earlier this year thought i was being selfish because i did not want to be with him, since he was a bit toxic and i wanted to take care of myself and get away from him. when in fact i was completing myself, and he seems to believe in the jerry maguire concept
Any person that feels toxic, is the universe telling you its not good for you. Congrats on listening to those instincts!
You are very wise. you been here before. tell me more. I am very enchanted with you! WOW! MEOW! please?
A soulmate is definitely a concept that is exploited for the purposes of rom-coms and self-help book sales. As for the “you complete me” idea, don’t get me started.
Great movie line, but poor mindset in real life. For us to be “completed”, means that we were “incomplete” to begin with, that we’re walking around not our whole selves — a … Read… Read More Moremindset is sets us up for feeling desperate and inferior when we’re single and unhealthily attached when we’re in a relationship. That said, I think there are many, many partners out there with whom we can have a connected, loving, easy, joyful, fun, spiritual relationship. Yes, there are those special people who we just “click” with so easily & joyfully and can complement who & where we are on our particular journey. It’s the notion that there is only ONE that creates unnecessary suffering.
I agree that the idea that there is only ONE person out there for someone is ridiculous, but I do think there is something to the notion of two people completing each other.
Not that either is incomplete, but rather that their strengths balance your weaknesses, while your strength balance theirs. My husband and I are very different people in certain ways, but I think we are better together, in balance, than we would be in a relationship with someone who is just like us.
Great distinction. I agree. I don’t want an “activity and interest buddy”. I want someone who enriches and adds juice to my life b/c of their own perspective and energy, while still maintaining a loving and complete sense of self. Where we are whole as individuals but the unique combination of the both of us allows us to offer the world (and each other) much more than we could do alone. And each pairing we experience over the years brings unique gifts to the world.